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Tag:Cam Newton
Posted on: November 5, 2011 9:34 pm
Edited on: November 6, 2011 9:45 am
 

D.P. Week 8 NFL Flop 10 Poll

(Results independently verified by the accounting firm of Dewey, Cheetam, and Howe)

The comebacks continue in the NFL.  This week saw yet another 20+ point halftime lead evaporate, and as typical, the collapse was provided by one of our permanent residents here in the D.P. Flop 10 (although not Minnesota).  Also, another odd fact about this year's NFL, NINETEEN teams are sporting winning records.  With 19 teams above .500, that means only 13 are below .500.  And that, the D.P. admits, makes voting easier than usual.  Those were the only 13 teams that garnered any votes, and even one of those very few and will likely disappear with a victory this week.  That team?  Longtime resident, the dream team of the Philadelphia Eagles.  It appears they may have awoken from the nightmare.  So here, without further adieu, are the D.P.'s worst of the worst in the NFL through 8 weeks.  Oh, and it's actually 11 teams this week as we had a tie for 10th.  Also, the Eagles were the only team to say goodbye, while welcoming in both the Cowboys and Browns at that tied 10th spot.  And after this week's games, the D.P. will unveil their official NFL playoff predictions.

*The Flop 10 is voted on by 65 D.P. writers, two from each NFL city plus one from Los Angeles, just because it's L.A.  Teams get 10 points for a first place vote down to 1 for a 10th.  And the team in first is the biggest Flop (first place votes in parenthesis, just like this text).

Also receiving votes: Philadelphia Eagles 8 (Bobby Duffy of the Dallas Ewing Journal opines, "Suddenly the best of the NFC East not named the New York Giants, which speaks to how bad the Cowboys and Redskins are."), Washington Redskins 37 (Terry Baldinger of the Phoenix Ashes-to-Ashes notes, "If Donovan McNabb truly feels he should still be a starter in the NFL, he should have made sure not to get himself run out of D.C.")

Number 10(tie) Dallas Cowboys (3-4) 60 Teresa Frey of the Allegheny Blue Collar points out, "How 'bout them Cowboys?  When will Jerry Jones realize that a puppet at the head coaching post will not work?  His only success came with the likes of Jimmy Johnson and Bill Parcells."

Number 10(tie) Cleveland Browns (3-4) 60 Carl Worthless of the Cleveland Rockin' Roller writes, "Everytime it seems the Browns are about to turn the corner, they make a u-turn instead.  Is it possible for a Madden Curse to affect a whole team?"

Number 9 Minnesota Vikings (2-6) 142 Jerry Freidman of the Milwaukee Daily Brat surmises, "The Vikings only wins this year have come against 2 win Carolina and 1 win Arizona.  This would usually earn you a spot much higher on the ballot, but the bad teams in the NFL this year are just SO horrible."

Number 8 Carolina Panthers (2-6) 156 Nicholas Formation of the Rajun Cajun Gazette states, "Cam Newton has been able to mask that this defense just isn't that good.  They have to put W's together, or they'll find themselves moving up a chart they don't want to move up on.  Olindo Mare didn't help matters this week, either."

Number 7 Seattle Seahawks (2-5) 218 Catherine McCovey of the Seattle Coffeetable wonders, "If Tarvaris Jackson gives himself an 'F' for his play so far this season, exactly what grade does Charlie Whitehurst earn?"

Number 6 Jacksonville Jaguars (2-6) 324 Ima Jerk of the Oakland (Ca) Blackhole reports, "One thing that has been consistent for the Jaguars all year long, even in their stunning victory over the Ravens last week, is that Blaine Gabbert and the offense look lost.  They average the fewest points scored per game in the league.  It's hard to win that way."

Number 5 Denver Broncos (2-5) 372 Wilma Burlington of the San Diego Onion ponders, "So, when will fans start booing Tim Tebow and clamoring for Brady Quinn to take over the team.  Unfortunately 'We want Brady' just isn't the same when you're not asking for Tom."

Number 4 St. Louis Rams (1-6) 456 Bull Lee of the New Orleans Times-Piconyou pushes the notion, "The pitiful Rams exposed the even more pitiful New Orleans Saints' offensive line.  Chris Long looked like father Howie had thrown his jersey on."

Number 3 Arizona Cardinals (1-6) 507 Michael Harness of the New Jersey Shores News-to-me says, "For one half, the Ravens offense made the Cardinals defense look like the Ravens defense.  For the other half, the Cardinals defense made the Ravens offense look like the Packers offense."

Number 2 Miami Dolphins (0-7) 592 (7) Amanda Passenkick of the Miami Beach Spotlight tells us, "Miami is the hardest playing 0-7 team, and not just because they are the only one.  Still, they have to figure out how to stop snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.  Unfortunately it's the sign of a team that hasn't learned how to win, yet."

Number 1 Indianapolis Colts (0-8) 643 (58) Hugh Nevins of the Indianapolis Reaction laments, "After playing the Steelers and the Buccaneers tough, Curtis Painter now goes out week after week and produces a Suck For Luck masterpiece,  It's obvious this defense can't play without a lead, and they won't be getting very many of those this year."

D.P. Archives:
11/3/11 NBA Owners Hire Patrick Ewing For P.R. In Lockout
11/1/11 Todd Haley Invited To Remedial Math Class
10/26/11 D.P. NFL Week 7 Flop 10 Poll
10/23/11 D.P. NFL Week 6 Flop 10 Poll
10/22/11 D.P. NFL Week 5 Flop 10 Poll (belated)
10/20/11 D.P. Announces End Of Production Strike
10/6/11 Predictions of the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse
10/4/11 D.P. NFL Week 4 Flop 10 Poll
10/01/11 The 2011 MLB Disassociated Team of the Year Award
9/27/11 D.P. Week 3 NFL Flop 10 Poll
9/27/11 "@JoeyCora, you're fired! #pinkslip"
9/26/11 Gopher Engineering Students To Fix Things Again


Posted on: October 23, 2011 11:59 am
Edited on: November 6, 2011 9:24 am
 

D.P. NFL Week 6 Flop 10 Poll

(Results independently verified by the accounting firm of Dewey, Cheetam, and Howe)

With the Week 7 kickoffs rapidly approaching, the D.P. is proud to unveil the results of its Week 6 Flop 10 Poll as we work vigorously to catch up from lost time due to our production strike.  The Week 6 Poll does feature two new teams, which means we say goodbye to twice victors the Seattle Seahawks and the Philadelphia Eagles.  However, losses in the upcoming weeks could easily see them back inside.  As we say goodbye to two long standing members of the NFL's not-so-elite, we bid welcome to newcomers the Carolina Panthers and the Cleveland Browns.  The Panthers losing close games finally caught up with them as voters could no longer ignore their 1-5 record.  So here it is, the best of the NFL's worst after week 6.

*The Flop 10 is voted on by 65 D.P. writers, two from each NFL city plus one from Los Angeles, just because it's L.A.  Teams get 10 points for a first place vote down to 1 for a 10th.  And the team in first is the biggest Flop (first place votes in parenthesis, just like this text).

Also receiving votes: Dallas Cowboys 6 (Keith Montgomery of the Ft. Worth Bigger Ledger points out, "Jerry Jones is a mess.  First, he gets on Jason Garrett for not being conservative enough against the Lions.  Now he says Garrett was too conservative against the Patriots.  Jerry obviously wants to have his cake, and eat it as well.  Pick one or the other, and I tend to lean towards the Lions loss being more Garrett's fault."), Philadelphia Eagles 27 (Jeff Ashby of the Buffalo Falls reports, "I'm sure the the Eagles big divisional victory over the Washington Redskins will be enough to take them off most people's ballots.  When I see this team, though, I still don't see a team capable of beating one that makes only half the mistakes Washington did, much less one that plays mistake free."), Seattle Seahawks 59 (Catherine McCovey of the Seattle Coffeetable opines, "Hard to believe the winner of the Seahawks versus Browns game this week will be .500, and likely out of the Flop 10.")

Number 10 - Kansas City Chiefs (2-3) 69 Jason LaPointe of the Boston Heraldry writes, "Hard to believe that after three weeks, this looked like the worst team in the NFL.  As others continue to perform even more poorly, the Chiefs may soon find themselves off most ballots."

Number 9 - Cleveland Browns (2-3) 97 Stacy Billingsly of the Lexington Post Position pens, "Harder for Browns fans to swallow than river water is the fact that Andy Dalton and A.J. Green have led the Cincinnati Bengals to a 4-2 mark."

Number 8 - Denver Broncos (1-4) 217 Dan Freeman of the Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Gazette says, "The ultimate insult to the Dolphins would be if Tim Tebow leads the Broncos to victory on 2008 Gator National Championship day ... in the home of 'The U.'"

Number 7 - Carolina Panthers (1-5) 223 Stan Ledger of the Charlotte Observatory chimes in, "It is amazing how much Cam Newton has masked the fact that, quite frankly, this Panthers team isn't very good.  One of those best of the worst scenarios."

Number 6 - Minnesota Vikings (1-5) 274 Jessica Addison of the St. Paul Twin Cities Daily Journal laments, "Donovan McNabb has forced Leslie Frazier's hand, and the Christian Ponder era has begun.  The only good thing you could say about the Vikings loss to the Chicago Bears was that this time they didn't have a halftime lead to blow."

Number 5 - Arizona Cardinals (1-4) 357 James Washington of the Baltimore Crabber states, "Not only has this team looked flat out bad, but they've managed to do it against the worst adjusted strength of schedule in the league.  It takes a truly pathetic team to lose against losers."

Number 4 - Jacksonville Jaguars (1-5) 486 (3) Wilma Burlington of the San Diego Onion proclaims, "When do you get excited about getting a player who wasn't good enough for the St. Louis Rams?  When you're the Jacksonville Jaguars, that's when.  Mike Sims-Walker at least knows the offense, which is a plus (I guess), but doesn't have a rapport with quarterback Blaine Gabbert.  Wait, that's not a minus, nobody does on that team."

Number 3 - Indianapolis Colts (0-6) 581 (20) Scott Johnston of the Tampa Post-Dispatch states, "At this point in the season, it is really becoming hard to tell which of the three abominations is truly the worst of the NFL.  I'm sure some will vote the Colts as the de facto since they are the only 0-6 team, but all that means is they haven't had their bye, yet."

Number 2 - Miami Dolphins (0-5) 585 (18) Amanda Passenkick of the Miami Beach Spotlight notes, "Speculation here is that if the Dolphins lose to the Broncos, it will be the final straw for coach Tony Sparano.  Hope he has his resume brushed up.  Even if the Dolphins win, it may be their only one, as this appears to be the easiest game on their remaining schedule."

Number 1 - St. Louis Rams (0-5) 594 (24) Roger Vinson of the Detroit Dollar Press-Union ponders, "I wonder if they make vitamins to help cure red-zone deficiency?  I've never seen a team come away with fewer points inside the opponents twenty that what the Rams pulled against the Green Bay Packers.  Josh McDaniels, eat your heart out pull your hair out."

D.P. Archives:
10/22/11 D.P. NFL Week 5 Flop 10 Poll (belated)
10/20/11 D.P. Announces End Of Production Strike
10/6/11 Predictions of the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse
10/4/11 D.P. NFL Week 4 Flop 10 Poll
10/01/11 The 2011 MLB Disassociated Team of the Year Award
9/27/11 D.P. Week 3 NFL Flop 10 Poll
9/27/11 "@JoeyCora, you're fired! #pinkslip"
9/26/11 Gopher Engineering Students To Fix Things Again

Posted on: September 27, 2011 8:57 pm
Edited on: November 6, 2011 9:11 am
 

D.P. NFL Week 3 Flop 10 Poll

(Results independently verified by the accounting firm of Dewey, Cheetam, and Howe)

So, here it is after week 3 of the NFL season, and while our more popular cousins give you the Top 25 in college football, we here at the D.P. realized the need for there to be a Poll for professional football.  Sure, most everything is decided on the field, but still there's that gray area of who really is better, the Green Bay Packers, or the Detroit Lions.  Well, you'll be getting none of that from us, as instead, we bring you those 10 teams who are the ones most capable of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.  And to the bottom two teams of this week's poll, I hear the ACC is still looking to expand.  So here they are, the NFL's Week 3 Flop 10*

*The Flop 10 is voted on by 65 D.P. writers, two from each NFL city plus one from Los Angeles, just because it's L.A.  Teams get 10 points for a first place vote down to 1 for a 10th.  And the team in first is the biggest Flop (first place votes in parenthesis, just like this text).

Also receiving votes: Carolina Panthers 6 (Jason Bolin of the Boston Hemisphere writes "This week the Panthers proved they could win dirty, by actually playing in that mudhole after the monsoon blew through), Atlanta Falcons 9 (Scott Johnston of the Tampa Post-Dispatch chimes, "Maybe Rich McKay can institute rules changes next year that will allow Matt Ryan to legally throw while his butt is in contact with the turf"), Chicago Bears 34 (Catherine McCovey of the Seattle Coffeetable opines, "I've seen better balance displayed by someone blowing a .10 on a D.U.I. stop than I've seen from the Bears offense this year.")

Number 10 - Denver Broncos (1-2) 65 Samantha King of the Denver Mile High Snooze reports, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results.  Maybe somebody can explain that to John Fox who after being gifted the ball deep in Tennessee territory and a first down via an offsides penalty, executes 7 plays, one incompletion, and 6 Willis McGahee runs for 5 yards, the last of which was him being stuffed yet again on fourth and goal."

Number 9 - Philadelphia Eagles (1-2) 117 Dan Freeman of the Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Gazette chimes in, "Dream team, huh?  Yeah, I saw a lot of this during this past N.B.A. season, too."

Number 8 - Cincinnati Bengals (1-2) 186 Stacy Billingsly of the Lexington Post Position pens, "The Bengals in their last 2 games have converted third downs at a rip roaring 9.5% efficiency, causing many Bengals fans to convert which channel is appearing on their television screens."

Number 7 - Jacksonville Jaguars (1-2) 247 Johnathan Lumpkin of the Los Angeles Periodical states, "The good news for the Jaguars, they hired cloud seeders before the game and held Cam Newton to his first sub 400 yard passing game.  The bad news, it looks like Tim Leiweke paid off Jack Del Rio to shelve his own passing game this year."

Number 6 - Seattle Seahawks (1-2) 308 Clark Isner of the Duval County Register proclaims, "Despite defeating the Arizona Cardinals, by virtue of the Jaguars benching Luke McCown, the Seahawks sport the worst starting QB in the NFL.  Yet, remarkably, they remain on pace for their second straight NFC West title."

Number 5 - Indianapolis Colts (0-3) 403 Paul Robisky of the St. Petersburg Senior Ledger confesses, "The Colts come into Tampa Bay looking for Curtis Painter to produce the Sistine Chapel.  Unfortunately for Indianapolis fans, what he produces will more likely resemble a preschooler's finger drawing.  Still you have to admire the fact that on Sunday night they appeared to not want to be in the 'Suck for Luck' sweepstakes."

Number 4 - Minnesota Vikings (0-3) 462 Jennifer Hochuli of the New York Daily Post proclaims, "I haven't seen a disappearing act this good since I saw Criss Angel in Las Vegas.  And somebody's definitely mind-freaking the Vikings coaching staff, especially offensive coordinator Bill Musgrave."

Number 3 - Miami Dolphins (0-3) 510 (1) Hugh Nevins of the Indianapolis Reaction asserts, "If Dolphins head coach Tony Sparano doesn't figure out soon what is wrong with his team, he'll soon be experiencing the Tony Soprano sensation where his season gets cut off mid"

Number 2 - St. Louis Rams (0-3) 583 (3) Lisa Trombetti of the Chicago Moon Times points out, "Things have gotten so bad for the once proud NFL state, that today, Sen. Claire McCaskill (D) introduced a piece of legislation officially requesting the state officially be renamed 'Misery.'"

Number 1 - Kansas City Chiefs (0-3) 645 (61) Rob Stone of the Kansas City Constitution writes, "When can a defending NFL division champ have a moral victory?  When you are this year's version of the Kansas City Chiefs."

D.P. Archives:
9/27/11 "@JoeyCora, you're fired! #pinkslip"
9/26/11 Gopher Engineering Students To Fix Things Again

 
 
 
 
The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or CBSSports.com