(Results independently verified by the accounting firm of Dewey, Cheetam, and Howe)
After an interesting week 7 that saw yet more teams come back from 10+ halftime deficits, you also had such high flying shootouts as the Cleveland Browns versus the Seattle Seahawks and the Monday Night debacle that could only be classified as football because of the punters, Josh Scobee, and Maurice Jones-Drew putting it around after his 20 drops. How miserable was it? Just three of Scobee's kicks outdistanced the ENTIRE Ravens offense. Making it hard this week is the fact that only 15 teams in the NFL have a record of 3-3 or worse. That means 17 teams possess winning records at the moment. Anyway, this week we finally bid adieu to former permanent resident the Kansas City Chiefs, and last week's newcomer Cleveland. They make way to welcome back familiar faces, the Philadelphia Eagles, and the Seattle Seahawks. And now, the Disassociated Press proudly presents, the week 7 NFL's Flop 10.
*The Flop 10 is voted on by 65 D.P. writers, two from each NFL city plus one from Los Angeles, just because it's L.A. Teams get 10 points for a first place vote down to 1 for a 10th. And the team in first is the biggest Flop (first place votes in parenthesis, just like this text).
Also receiving votes: Tennessee Titans 3 (Matthew Newsome of the Nashville Distiller laments, "It's bad enough that Chris Johnson has that huge new contract holding him back, but one of this team's bright spots so far this season, their defense, was suddenly eclipsed."), Kansas City Chiefs 7 (Pyle O'Pooh of the Fulton County Fullofit notes, "It's both disheartening and encouraging at the same time that the defense scored as many points as the offense. The reason rumors were swirling of Carson Palmer getting the nod for the Raiders despite not playing in a year was not because they wanted to see what they got for two high draft picks, but because they knew what they didn't have in Kyle Boller."), Washington Redskins 15 (Thadeus Party of the D.C. Republicrat wonders, "If the answers are John Beck and Rex Grossman, do you really want to know the question?"), Cleveland Browns 56 (Leslie Bianchi of the Sacramento Wasp points out, "Each team in this contest scored a point for about every 7 minutes of ball possession, with the Browns holding just over a 2 to 1 edge. The Saints scored a point for about every minute on the game clock ... by themselves.")
Number 10 - Philadelphia Eagles (2-4) 72 Pierre LaRoche of the Toronto Maple Syrup informs us, "You almost feel bad for the Eagles. I mean, they didn't lose. But then again, teams 'above' them not only not lost, but won."
Number 9 - Carolina Panthers (2-5) 102 Bull Lee of the New Orleans Times-Piconyou states, "Managed to stay off a lot of ballots early by losing close and exciting. Will leave more ballots if they put together back-to-back wins."
Number 8 - Denver Broncos (2-4) 205 Arthur Pendragon of the San Diego Round Table says, "John Fox needs to get over the fact that he inherited Tim Tebow and find out just what he has. Lost in Tebow's horrid performance for the first 55 minutes, was the nearly equally horrid playcalling that had the kid handcuffed worse than a capital murderer. If Tebow is going to be damned, he needs to be damned for what he is, not what the coaching staff is forcing him to not be."
Number 7 - Jacksonville Jaguars (2-5) 249 Erin Livingston of the Houston Chronically Misinformed says, "Nothing says inept quite like the fact that I had as many first downs as the Ravens offense in the first half. Jacksonville rode this and overcame M.J.D.'s fumbleitis to a stunning win against what many thought was a top 5 team."
Number 6 - Seattle Seahawks (2-4) 271 Catherine McCovey of the Seattle Coffeetable writes, "Last week I pointed out the winner of the Browns versus Seahawks game would be 3-3 and likely out of the Flop 10. Well, in a game where neither team played like a winner, they both remained on my ballot."
Number 5 - Minnesota Vikings (1-6) 402 Albert Letterman of the Minneapolis Metro-Gnome proclaims, "Stop me if you've heard this one before. So the Vikings walk into a locker room with a halftime lead ..."
Number 4 - Arizona Cardinals (1-5) 433 Emily Hirschbeck of the Philadelphia Perspirer opines, "Just imagine how much worse the Eagles would be if they hadn't jettisoned Kevin Kolb."
Number 3 - Miami Dolphins (0-6) 535 (5) Bill Crosby of the Windy City Gale-ery professes, "On a team full of celebrity minority owners, it figures the season would play out like a soap opera. Now Tony Sparano is left twisting and turning worse than he did during owner Stephen Ross' ill-conceived effort to get Jim Harbaugh. It's now likely a matter of time before they cut ties."
Number 2 - St. Louis Rams (0-6) 592 (15) Robert Moss of the Archway Journal pens, "Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages, as Josh McDaniels proudly presents, 'The Lamest Show On Turf.' Yes, witness an offense so offensive, that a 10 point performance earns a spot right in between the bearded lady and the one-eyed man."
Number 1 - Indianapolis Colts (0-7) 633 (45) Doc Tor-Jones of the Indy Snakeoil Gazette chimes in, "The only thing missing from the Colts performance Sunday night, other than their entire defense ... and offense, was Dan Orlovsky running out of the back of the endzone."
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