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Tag:St. Louis Rams
Posted on: November 5, 2011 9:34 pm
Edited on: November 6, 2011 9:45 am
 

D.P. Week 8 NFL Flop 10 Poll

(Results independently verified by the accounting firm of Dewey, Cheetam, and Howe)

The comebacks continue in the NFL.  This week saw yet another 20+ point halftime lead evaporate, and as typical, the collapse was provided by one of our permanent residents here in the D.P. Flop 10 (although not Minnesota).  Also, another odd fact about this year's NFL, NINETEEN teams are sporting winning records.  With 19 teams above .500, that means only 13 are below .500.  And that, the D.P. admits, makes voting easier than usual.  Those were the only 13 teams that garnered any votes, and even one of those very few and will likely disappear with a victory this week.  That team?  Longtime resident, the dream team of the Philadelphia Eagles.  It appears they may have awoken from the nightmare.  So here, without further adieu, are the D.P.'s worst of the worst in the NFL through 8 weeks.  Oh, and it's actually 11 teams this week as we had a tie for 10th.  Also, the Eagles were the only team to say goodbye, while welcoming in both the Cowboys and Browns at that tied 10th spot.  And after this week's games, the D.P. will unveil their official NFL playoff predictions.

*The Flop 10 is voted on by 65 D.P. writers, two from each NFL city plus one from Los Angeles, just because it's L.A.  Teams get 10 points for a first place vote down to 1 for a 10th.  And the team in first is the biggest Flop (first place votes in parenthesis, just like this text).

Also receiving votes: Philadelphia Eagles 8 (Bobby Duffy of the Dallas Ewing Journal opines, "Suddenly the best of the NFC East not named the New York Giants, which speaks to how bad the Cowboys and Redskins are."), Washington Redskins 37 (Terry Baldinger of the Phoenix Ashes-to-Ashes notes, "If Donovan McNabb truly feels he should still be a starter in the NFL, he should have made sure not to get himself run out of D.C.")

Number 10(tie) Dallas Cowboys (3-4) 60 Teresa Frey of the Allegheny Blue Collar points out, "How 'bout them Cowboys?  When will Jerry Jones realize that a puppet at the head coaching post will not work?  His only success came with the likes of Jimmy Johnson and Bill Parcells."

Number 10(tie) Cleveland Browns (3-4) 60 Carl Worthless of the Cleveland Rockin' Roller writes, "Everytime it seems the Browns are about to turn the corner, they make a u-turn instead.  Is it possible for a Madden Curse to affect a whole team?"

Number 9 Minnesota Vikings (2-6) 142 Jerry Freidman of the Milwaukee Daily Brat surmises, "The Vikings only wins this year have come against 2 win Carolina and 1 win Arizona.  This would usually earn you a spot much higher on the ballot, but the bad teams in the NFL this year are just SO horrible."

Number 8 Carolina Panthers (2-6) 156 Nicholas Formation of the Rajun Cajun Gazette states, "Cam Newton has been able to mask that this defense just isn't that good.  They have to put W's together, or they'll find themselves moving up a chart they don't want to move up on.  Olindo Mare didn't help matters this week, either."

Number 7 Seattle Seahawks (2-5) 218 Catherine McCovey of the Seattle Coffeetable wonders, "If Tarvaris Jackson gives himself an 'F' for his play so far this season, exactly what grade does Charlie Whitehurst earn?"

Number 6 Jacksonville Jaguars (2-6) 324 Ima Jerk of the Oakland (Ca) Blackhole reports, "One thing that has been consistent for the Jaguars all year long, even in their stunning victory over the Ravens last week, is that Blaine Gabbert and the offense look lost.  They average the fewest points scored per game in the league.  It's hard to win that way."

Number 5 Denver Broncos (2-5) 372 Wilma Burlington of the San Diego Onion ponders, "So, when will fans start booing Tim Tebow and clamoring for Brady Quinn to take over the team.  Unfortunately 'We want Brady' just isn't the same when you're not asking for Tom."

Number 4 St. Louis Rams (1-6) 456 Bull Lee of the New Orleans Times-Piconyou pushes the notion, "The pitiful Rams exposed the even more pitiful New Orleans Saints' offensive line.  Chris Long looked like father Howie had thrown his jersey on."

Number 3 Arizona Cardinals (1-6) 507 Michael Harness of the New Jersey Shores News-to-me says, "For one half, the Ravens offense made the Cardinals defense look like the Ravens defense.  For the other half, the Cardinals defense made the Ravens offense look like the Packers offense."

Number 2 Miami Dolphins (0-7) 592 (7) Amanda Passenkick of the Miami Beach Spotlight tells us, "Miami is the hardest playing 0-7 team, and not just because they are the only one.  Still, they have to figure out how to stop snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.  Unfortunately it's the sign of a team that hasn't learned how to win, yet."

Number 1 Indianapolis Colts (0-8) 643 (58) Hugh Nevins of the Indianapolis Reaction laments, "After playing the Steelers and the Buccaneers tough, Curtis Painter now goes out week after week and produces a Suck For Luck masterpiece,  It's obvious this defense can't play without a lead, and they won't be getting very many of those this year."

D.P. Archives:
11/3/11 NBA Owners Hire Patrick Ewing For P.R. In Lockout
11/1/11 Todd Haley Invited To Remedial Math Class
10/26/11 D.P. NFL Week 7 Flop 10 Poll
10/23/11 D.P. NFL Week 6 Flop 10 Poll
10/22/11 D.P. NFL Week 5 Flop 10 Poll (belated)
10/20/11 D.P. Announces End Of Production Strike
10/6/11 Predictions of the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse
10/4/11 D.P. NFL Week 4 Flop 10 Poll
10/01/11 The 2011 MLB Disassociated Team of the Year Award
9/27/11 D.P. Week 3 NFL Flop 10 Poll
9/27/11 "@JoeyCora, you're fired! #pinkslip"
9/26/11 Gopher Engineering Students To Fix Things Again


Posted on: October 26, 2011 12:57 am
Edited on: November 6, 2011 9:27 am
 

D.P. NFL Week 7 Flop 10 Poll

(Results independently verified by the accounting firm of Dewey, Cheetam, and Howe)

After an interesting week 7 that saw yet more teams come back from 10+ halftime deficits, you also had such high flying shootouts as the Cleveland Browns versus the Seattle Seahawks and the Monday Night debacle that could only be classified as football because of the punters, Josh Scobee, and Maurice Jones-Drew putting it around after his 20 drops.  How miserable was it?  Just three of Scobee's kicks outdistanced the ENTIRE Ravens offense.  Making it hard this week is the fact that only 15 teams in the NFL have a record of 3-3 or worse.  That means 17 teams possess winning records at the moment.  Anyway, this week we finally bid adieu to former permanent resident the Kansas City Chiefs, and last week's newcomer Cleveland.  They make way to welcome back familiar faces, the Philadelphia Eagles, and the Seattle Seahawks.  And now, the Disassociated Press proudly presents, the week 7 NFL's Flop 10.

*The Flop 10 is voted on by 65 D.P. writers, two from each NFL city plus one from Los Angeles, just because it's L.A.  Teams get 10 points for a first place vote down to 1 for a 10th.  And the team in first is the biggest Flop (first place votes in parenthesis, just like this text).

Also receiving votes: Tennessee Titans 3 (Matthew Newsome of the Nashville Distiller laments, "It's bad enough that Chris Johnson has that huge new contract holding him back, but one of this team's bright spots so far this season, their defense, was suddenly eclipsed."), Kansas City Chiefs 7 (Pyle O'Pooh of the Fulton County Fullofit notes, "It's both disheartening and encouraging at the same time that the defense scored as many points as the offense.  The reason rumors were swirling of Carson Palmer getting the nod for the Raiders despite not playing in a year was not because they wanted to see what they got for two high draft picks, but because they knew what they didn't have in Kyle Boller."), Washington Redskins 15 (Thadeus Party of the D.C. Republicrat wonders, "If the answers are John Beck and Rex Grossman, do you really want to know the question?"), Cleveland Browns 56 (Leslie Bianchi of the Sacramento Wasp points out, "Each team in this contest scored a point for about every 7 minutes of ball possession, with the Browns holding just over a 2 to 1 edge.  The Saints scored a point for about every minute on the game clock ... by themselves.")

Number 10 - Philadelphia Eagles (2-4) 72 Pierre LaRoche of the Toronto Maple Syrup informs us, "You almost feel bad for the Eagles.  I mean, they didn't lose.  But then again, teams 'above' them not only not lost, but won."

Number 9 - Carolina Panthers (2-5) 102 Bull Lee of the New Orleans Times-Piconyou states, "Managed to stay off a lot of ballots early by losing close and exciting.  Will leave more ballots if they put together back-to-back wins."

Number 8 - Denver Broncos (2-4) 205 Arthur Pendragon of the San Diego Round Table says, "John Fox needs to get over the fact that he inherited Tim Tebow and find out just what he has.  Lost in Tebow's horrid performance for the first 55 minutes, was the nearly equally horrid playcalling that had the kid handcuffed worse than a capital murderer.  If Tebow is going to be damned, he needs to be damned for what he is, not what the coaching staff is forcing him to not be."

Number 7 - Jacksonville Jaguars (2-5) 249 Erin Livingston of the Houston Chronically Misinformed says, "Nothing says inept quite like the fact that I had as many first downs as the Ravens offense in the first half.  Jacksonville rode this and overcame M.J.D.'s fumbleitis to a stunning win against what many thought was a top 5 team."

Number 6 - Seattle Seahawks (2-4) 271 Catherine McCovey of the Seattle Coffeetable writes, "Last week I pointed out the winner of the Browns versus Seahawks game would be 3-3 and likely out of the Flop 10.  Well, in a game where neither team played like a winner, they both remained on my ballot."

Number 5 - Minnesota Vikings (1-6) 402 Albert Letterman of the Minneapolis Metro-Gnome proclaims, "Stop me if you've heard this one before.  So the Vikings walk into a locker room with a halftime lead ..."

Number 4 - Arizona Cardinals (1-5) 433 Emily Hirschbeck of the Philadelphia Perspirer opines, "Just imagine how much worse the Eagles would be if they hadn't jettisoned Kevin Kolb."

Number 3 - Miami Dolphins (0-6) 535 (5) Bill Crosby of the Windy City Gale-ery professes, "On a team full of celebrity minority owners, it figures the season would play out like a soap opera.  Now Tony Sparano is left twisting and turning worse than he did during owner Stephen Ross' ill-conceived effort to get Jim Harbaugh.  It's now likely a matter of time before they cut ties."

Number 2 - St. Louis Rams (0-6) 592 (15) Robert Moss of the Archway Journal pens, "Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages, as Josh McDaniels proudly presents, 'The Lamest Show On Turf.'  Yes, witness an offense so offensive, that a 10 point performance earns a spot right in between the bearded lady and the one-eyed man."

Number 1 - Indianapolis Colts (0-7) 633 (45) Doc Tor-Jones of the Indy Snakeoil Gazette chimes in, "The only thing missing from the Colts performance Sunday night, other than their entire defense ... and offense, was Dan Orlovsky running out of the back of the endzone."

D.P. Archives:
10/23/11 D.P. NFL Week 6 Flop 10 Poll
10/22/11 D.P. NFL Week 5 Flop 10 Poll (belated)
10/20/11 D.P. Announces End Of Production Strike
10/6/11 Predictions of the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse
10/4/11 D.P. NFL Week 4 Flop 10 Poll
10/01/11 The 2011 MLB Disassociated Team of the Year Award
9/27/11 D.P. Week 3 NFL Flop 10 Poll
9/27/11 "@JoeyCora, you're fired! #pinkslip"
9/26/11 Gopher Engineering Students To Fix Things Again


Posted on: October 23, 2011 11:59 am
Edited on: November 6, 2011 9:24 am
 

D.P. NFL Week 6 Flop 10 Poll

(Results independently verified by the accounting firm of Dewey, Cheetam, and Howe)

With the Week 7 kickoffs rapidly approaching, the D.P. is proud to unveil the results of its Week 6 Flop 10 Poll as we work vigorously to catch up from lost time due to our production strike.  The Week 6 Poll does feature two new teams, which means we say goodbye to twice victors the Seattle Seahawks and the Philadelphia Eagles.  However, losses in the upcoming weeks could easily see them back inside.  As we say goodbye to two long standing members of the NFL's not-so-elite, we bid welcome to newcomers the Carolina Panthers and the Cleveland Browns.  The Panthers losing close games finally caught up with them as voters could no longer ignore their 1-5 record.  So here it is, the best of the NFL's worst after week 6.

*The Flop 10 is voted on by 65 D.P. writers, two from each NFL city plus one from Los Angeles, just because it's L.A.  Teams get 10 points for a first place vote down to 1 for a 10th.  And the team in first is the biggest Flop (first place votes in parenthesis, just like this text).

Also receiving votes: Dallas Cowboys 6 (Keith Montgomery of the Ft. Worth Bigger Ledger points out, "Jerry Jones is a mess.  First, he gets on Jason Garrett for not being conservative enough against the Lions.  Now he says Garrett was too conservative against the Patriots.  Jerry obviously wants to have his cake, and eat it as well.  Pick one or the other, and I tend to lean towards the Lions loss being more Garrett's fault."), Philadelphia Eagles 27 (Jeff Ashby of the Buffalo Falls reports, "I'm sure the the Eagles big divisional victory over the Washington Redskins will be enough to take them off most people's ballots.  When I see this team, though, I still don't see a team capable of beating one that makes only half the mistakes Washington did, much less one that plays mistake free."), Seattle Seahawks 59 (Catherine McCovey of the Seattle Coffeetable opines, "Hard to believe the winner of the Seahawks versus Browns game this week will be .500, and likely out of the Flop 10.")

Number 10 - Kansas City Chiefs (2-3) 69 Jason LaPointe of the Boston Heraldry writes, "Hard to believe that after three weeks, this looked like the worst team in the NFL.  As others continue to perform even more poorly, the Chiefs may soon find themselves off most ballots."

Number 9 - Cleveland Browns (2-3) 97 Stacy Billingsly of the Lexington Post Position pens, "Harder for Browns fans to swallow than river water is the fact that Andy Dalton and A.J. Green have led the Cincinnati Bengals to a 4-2 mark."

Number 8 - Denver Broncos (1-4) 217 Dan Freeman of the Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Gazette says, "The ultimate insult to the Dolphins would be if Tim Tebow leads the Broncos to victory on 2008 Gator National Championship day ... in the home of 'The U.'"

Number 7 - Carolina Panthers (1-5) 223 Stan Ledger of the Charlotte Observatory chimes in, "It is amazing how much Cam Newton has masked the fact that, quite frankly, this Panthers team isn't very good.  One of those best of the worst scenarios."

Number 6 - Minnesota Vikings (1-5) 274 Jessica Addison of the St. Paul Twin Cities Daily Journal laments, "Donovan McNabb has forced Leslie Frazier's hand, and the Christian Ponder era has begun.  The only good thing you could say about the Vikings loss to the Chicago Bears was that this time they didn't have a halftime lead to blow."

Number 5 - Arizona Cardinals (1-4) 357 James Washington of the Baltimore Crabber states, "Not only has this team looked flat out bad, but they've managed to do it against the worst adjusted strength of schedule in the league.  It takes a truly pathetic team to lose against losers."

Number 4 - Jacksonville Jaguars (1-5) 486 (3) Wilma Burlington of the San Diego Onion proclaims, "When do you get excited about getting a player who wasn't good enough for the St. Louis Rams?  When you're the Jacksonville Jaguars, that's when.  Mike Sims-Walker at least knows the offense, which is a plus (I guess), but doesn't have a rapport with quarterback Blaine Gabbert.  Wait, that's not a minus, nobody does on that team."

Number 3 - Indianapolis Colts (0-6) 581 (20) Scott Johnston of the Tampa Post-Dispatch states, "At this point in the season, it is really becoming hard to tell which of the three abominations is truly the worst of the NFL.  I'm sure some will vote the Colts as the de facto since they are the only 0-6 team, but all that means is they haven't had their bye, yet."

Number 2 - Miami Dolphins (0-5) 585 (18) Amanda Passenkick of the Miami Beach Spotlight notes, "Speculation here is that if the Dolphins lose to the Broncos, it will be the final straw for coach Tony Sparano.  Hope he has his resume brushed up.  Even if the Dolphins win, it may be their only one, as this appears to be the easiest game on their remaining schedule."

Number 1 - St. Louis Rams (0-5) 594 (24) Roger Vinson of the Detroit Dollar Press-Union ponders, "I wonder if they make vitamins to help cure red-zone deficiency?  I've never seen a team come away with fewer points inside the opponents twenty that what the Rams pulled against the Green Bay Packers.  Josh McDaniels, eat your heart out pull your hair out."

D.P. Archives:
10/22/11 D.P. NFL Week 5 Flop 10 Poll (belated)
10/20/11 D.P. Announces End Of Production Strike
10/6/11 Predictions of the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse
10/4/11 D.P. NFL Week 4 Flop 10 Poll
10/01/11 The 2011 MLB Disassociated Team of the Year Award
9/27/11 D.P. Week 3 NFL Flop 10 Poll
9/27/11 "@JoeyCora, you're fired! #pinkslip"
9/26/11 Gopher Engineering Students To Fix Things Again

Posted on: October 22, 2011 8:48 pm
Edited on: November 6, 2011 9:20 am
 

D.P. NFL Week 5 Flop 10 Poll (belated)

(Results independently verified by the accounting firm of Dewey, Cheetam, and Howe)

Now that the D.P. has settled some in house issues, we proudly bring you right before the Week 7 games are about to be played ... the results of our Week 5 Flop 10 Poll.  This week, we feature absolutely no new members of our exclusive club of suckiness, however, we do have major shuffling within the ten teams, including one who remarkably fell 7 spots not by beating the Patriots or some juggernaut, but a fellow Flop 10 member.  Anyway, without further adieu (especially since this is a week and a half late), the Week 5 edition of the NFL Flop 10.

*The Flop 10 is voted on by 65 D.P. writers, two from each NFL city plus one from Los Angeles, just because it's L.A.  Teams get 10 points for a first place vote down to 1 for a 10th.  And the team in first is the biggest Flop (first place votes in parenthesis, just like this text).

Also receiving votes: Tampa Bay Buccaneers 2 (Jerry Friedman of the Milwaukee Daily Brat poses, "How do you vote for a team that is 3-2 you ask?  By watching that team get blown out by 45 points after struggling against the Colts, that's how."), Cleveland Browns 18 (Mary Weatherby of the Cleveland Shady Dealer states, "The Browns fell on my ballot this week, but that was only because they didn't play."), Atlanta Falcons 45 (Nicholas Formation of the Rajun Cajun Gazette quips, "If this team loses to the Panthers next week, I expect to see them crack the overall Flop 10."), Carolina Panthers 80 (Samantha King of the Denver Mile High Snooze opines, "You have to give the Panthers credit.  They'd crack an NFL Top 10 Poll of interesting and exciting teams.  Eventually, though, they have to start translating some of these into W's.")

Number 10 - Kansas City Chiefs (2-3) 91
Nancy Holderman of the Green Bay Times proposes, "Two wins in a row has nearly washed away the stench of the Chiefs horrible start.  Nearly.  Unfortunately those three losses were so bad, they remain a Flop 10 team."

Number 9 - Minnesota Vikings (1-4) 143 Larry Masterson of the Washington (D.C.) Monumental Press decries, "Stop the presses!  The Vikings held on to a halftime lead.  Next thing you'll tell me is that Congress lowered the deficit."

Number 8 - Seattle Seahawks (2-3) 156 Morgan Wexler of the San Francisco Seismic Monitor wonders, "Hard to imagine a team with Tarvaris Jackson as a staring QB being capable of winning 40% of its games."

Number 7 - Denver Broncos (1-4) 180
Lisa Trombetti of the Chicago Moon Times writes, "John Fox had been avoiding Tim Tebow like the plague all season long, as though afflicted by Josh McDaniels Syndrome.  But now, Kyle Orton has forced his hand, and they now look silly not dealing him to the Dolphins this preseason when he had value."

Number 6 - Philadelphia Eagles (1-4) 294 Emily Hirschbeck of the Philadelphia Perspirer claims, "The nightmare season for the Dream Team continues, proving once again that fantasy football only works amongst 12 drunk friends."

Number 5 - Arizona Cardinals (1-4) 381 Eric Xavier of the Houston Cowboy ponders, "I guess the only difference between Derrick Anderson and Kevin Kolb is that Kolb doesn't laugh on the sidelines as he's being blown out."

Number 4 - Jacksonville Jaguars (1-4) 481 (1) Stanley Ulrich of the Pittsburgh Steel Miner reports, "One has to wonder how many more days or losses it will take Jack Del Rio to be sent down the river.  This team continues to play as though it's up ****-creek without a paddle."

Number 3 - Indianapolis Colts (0-5) 538 (14) Amanda Passenkick of the Miami Beach Spotlight laments, "I almost feel bad voting the Colts first, especially since they've shown life after Curtis Painter began starting, but if you look at the hard numbers, the fact is the Colts have lost by worse margins against worse opponents than the Dolphins."

Number 2 - Miami Dolphins (0-4) 545 (13) Terrance Cooper of the Atlanta Dirty South Press points out, "How bad is it for the Miami Dolphins?  By far the worse team remaining on their schedule is the Denver Broncos.  Could the Detroit Lions have company in the 0-16 club?"

Number 1 - St. Louis Rams (0-4) 621 (37) Johnathan Lumpkin of the Los Angeles Periodical says, "This team is so bad, they somehow managed to look horrible on their bye week."

D.P. Archives:
10/20/11 D.P. Announces End Of Production Strike
10/6/11 Predictions of the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse
10/4/11 D.P. NFL Week 4 Flop 10 Poll
10/01/11 The 2011 MLB Disassociated Team of the Year Award
9/27/11 D.P. Week 3 NFL Flop 10 Poll
9/27/11 "@JoeyCora, you're fired! #pinkslip"
9/26/11 Gopher Engineering Students To Fix Things Again





Posted on: October 4, 2011 10:22 pm
Edited on: November 6, 2011 9:10 am
 

D.P. NFL Week 4 Flop 10 Poll

(Results independently verified by the accounting firm of Dewey, Cheetam, and Howe)

After an exciting week 4 of NFL action in which two NFC East teams blew 20 point leads, this week's Flop 10 poll features some shuffling, but not much checking in or checking out.  The only team leaving is the Cincinnati Bengals, and they are being replaced by the Arizona Cardinals.  So, without further ado, the unveiling of the NFL Week 4 Flop 10*

*The Flop 10 is voted on by 65 D.P. writers, two from each NFL city plus one from Los Angeles, just because it's L.A.  Teams get 10 points for a first place vote down to 1 for a 10th.  And the team in first is the biggest Flop (first place votes in parenthesis, just like this text).

Also receiving votes: Atlanta Falcons 1 (Rachel Montgomery of the Tacoma Mountain Press offers, "Sorry, but any team who nearly makes Tarvaris Jackson look like a hero maintains a Top 10 spot."), Carolina Panthers 11 (Scott Johnston of the Tampa Post-Dispatch chimes, "Have you ever seen a fan base more excited over a 1-3 team?  It looks like the wins should start coming, just don't know if it will be this year."), Cleveland Browns 26 (Thomas Hudson of the Cincinnati Inquisitioner opines, "I tried pulling the ol' appendicitis to get more money trick with my boss.  Like Peyton Hillis, all it got me was a reduced work load and tighter deadlines.")

Number 10 - Arizona Cardinals (1-3) 54 Shelly Kingston of the Glendale Republic writes, "Victor Cruz giving himself up was nothing compared to the Cardinals defense giving themselves up on the last drive of the game."

Number 9 - Philadelphia Eagles (1-3) 118 Henry Ebert of the San Jose Venus Flytrap states, "For blowing a 20 point lead against the San Francisco 49ers, the Philadelphia Eagles win the NFL first quarter most overhyped team award.  The way that defense is playing, Cream Team might have been a more apropos moniker for them."

Number 8 - Seattle Seahawks (1-3) 204 Catherine McCovey of the Seattle Coffeetable proclaims, "Scored nearly half of their season point total against the Falcons, which is more of an indicator of the Falcons defense than the capabilities of this team."

Number 7 - Denver Broncos (1-3) 245 Samantha King of the Denver Mile High Snooze reports, "Last week I gave the definition of insanity and applied it to some of coach John Fox's playcalling.  Now I will talk about patterns.  This week, when asked about using the Tim Tebow package in short yardage, Fox responded, 'That, and we did it once and we lost yardage.  That wasn’t all on him by any stretch, but it didn’t prove to be beneficial, so we went in a different direction.'  Um, coach, one time does not a pattern make.  However running 6 times and gaining 5 yards in a crucial drive against the Titans does a pattern make.  Kyle Orton's shaky play has done nothing to quell the Broncos faithful from calling for Tebow.  If Fox doesn't get things moving in the right direction, the next thing Broncos fans will call for, is the coach's head."

Number 6 - Jacksonville Jaguars (1-3) 326 Larry Ewing of the Jacksonville Gator Times wonders, "Cutting David Garrard right before the season started now appears to be the last act of a desperate man.  Jack Del Rio might soon find his saddle blazing, and the axe falling."

Number 5 - Indianapolis Colts (0-4) 422 Paul Robisky of the St. Petersburg Senior Ledger confesses, "Last week I claimed Curtis Painter would need to produce the Sistine Chapel for the Colts.  While his performance was not museum worthy, it wasn't refrigerator worthy either.  The Colts offense at least more closely resembled the Colts offense of old.  Still, take away two big plays by Pierre Garcon, and Painter had a rough go of it, especially in crunch time.  With the game on the line, Josh Freeman excelled and Curtis crumbled.  Next week's game against the Kansas City Chiefs might be their best shot at exiting the 'Suck for Luck' sweepstakes for a while."

Number 4 - Kansas City Chiefs (1-3) 425 Rob Stone of the Kansas City Constitution notes, "Take heart, Minnesota Vikings fans.  At least you didn't blow a halftime lead this time.  Baby steps.  Baby steps.  Still, this team does not resemble anything that could win another division title."

Number 3 - Miami Dolphins (0-4) 548 (14) Paul Kennedy of the Long Island Register says, "How does that song of theirs go?  'Miami Dolphins.  Miami Dolphins.  Miami Dolphins really suck?'  Owner Stephen Ross gave the dreaded vote of confidence to head coach Tony Sparano saying, 'He remains the right coach for this team.'  Yeah, if you're planning on throwing this year away to draft Andrew Luck to replace Chad Henne."

Number 2 - Minnesota Vikings (0-4) 591 (22) Jessica Addison of the St. Paul Twin Cities Daily Journal laments, "As the old adage in professional wrestling goes, in order to be the man, you have to beat the man.  Well, the Vikings are clearly the worst team in the NFL after outsucking the Kansas City Chiefs who were being outscored by an average of just over 27 points per game before getting their first 'W' of the season.  Coach Leslie Frazier needs to seriously Ponder if it's not the correct time to bench Donovan McNabb, or relieve Bill Musgrave of some of his responsibilities.  Even Mike Martz figured out the balance thing this week.  The Vikings still haven't in 4."

Number 1 - St. Louis Rams (0-4) 601 (29) Tim Danielson of the Denver Journal points out, "At least Broncos fans can take some small solace in seeing how much Josh McDaniels is setting Sam Bradford back."

D.P. Archives:
10/01/11 The 2011 MLB Disassociated Team of the Year Award
9/27/11 D.P. Week 3 NFL Flop 10 Poll
9/27/11 "@JoeyCora, you're fired! #pinkslip"
9/26/11 Gopher Engineering Students To Fix Things Again

Posted on: September 27, 2011 8:57 pm
Edited on: November 6, 2011 9:11 am
 

D.P. NFL Week 3 Flop 10 Poll

(Results independently verified by the accounting firm of Dewey, Cheetam, and Howe)

So, here it is after week 3 of the NFL season, and while our more popular cousins give you the Top 25 in college football, we here at the D.P. realized the need for there to be a Poll for professional football.  Sure, most everything is decided on the field, but still there's that gray area of who really is better, the Green Bay Packers, or the Detroit Lions.  Well, you'll be getting none of that from us, as instead, we bring you those 10 teams who are the ones most capable of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.  And to the bottom two teams of this week's poll, I hear the ACC is still looking to expand.  So here they are, the NFL's Week 3 Flop 10*

*The Flop 10 is voted on by 65 D.P. writers, two from each NFL city plus one from Los Angeles, just because it's L.A.  Teams get 10 points for a first place vote down to 1 for a 10th.  And the team in first is the biggest Flop (first place votes in parenthesis, just like this text).

Also receiving votes: Carolina Panthers 6 (Jason Bolin of the Boston Hemisphere writes "This week the Panthers proved they could win dirty, by actually playing in that mudhole after the monsoon blew through), Atlanta Falcons 9 (Scott Johnston of the Tampa Post-Dispatch chimes, "Maybe Rich McKay can institute rules changes next year that will allow Matt Ryan to legally throw while his butt is in contact with the turf"), Chicago Bears 34 (Catherine McCovey of the Seattle Coffeetable opines, "I've seen better balance displayed by someone blowing a .10 on a D.U.I. stop than I've seen from the Bears offense this year.")

Number 10 - Denver Broncos (1-2) 65 Samantha King of the Denver Mile High Snooze reports, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results.  Maybe somebody can explain that to John Fox who after being gifted the ball deep in Tennessee territory and a first down via an offsides penalty, executes 7 plays, one incompletion, and 6 Willis McGahee runs for 5 yards, the last of which was him being stuffed yet again on fourth and goal."

Number 9 - Philadelphia Eagles (1-2) 117 Dan Freeman of the Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Gazette chimes in, "Dream team, huh?  Yeah, I saw a lot of this during this past N.B.A. season, too."

Number 8 - Cincinnati Bengals (1-2) 186 Stacy Billingsly of the Lexington Post Position pens, "The Bengals in their last 2 games have converted third downs at a rip roaring 9.5% efficiency, causing many Bengals fans to convert which channel is appearing on their television screens."

Number 7 - Jacksonville Jaguars (1-2) 247 Johnathan Lumpkin of the Los Angeles Periodical states, "The good news for the Jaguars, they hired cloud seeders before the game and held Cam Newton to his first sub 400 yard passing game.  The bad news, it looks like Tim Leiweke paid off Jack Del Rio to shelve his own passing game this year."

Number 6 - Seattle Seahawks (1-2) 308 Clark Isner of the Duval County Register proclaims, "Despite defeating the Arizona Cardinals, by virtue of the Jaguars benching Luke McCown, the Seahawks sport the worst starting QB in the NFL.  Yet, remarkably, they remain on pace for their second straight NFC West title."

Number 5 - Indianapolis Colts (0-3) 403 Paul Robisky of the St. Petersburg Senior Ledger confesses, "The Colts come into Tampa Bay looking for Curtis Painter to produce the Sistine Chapel.  Unfortunately for Indianapolis fans, what he produces will more likely resemble a preschooler's finger drawing.  Still you have to admire the fact that on Sunday night they appeared to not want to be in the 'Suck for Luck' sweepstakes."

Number 4 - Minnesota Vikings (0-3) 462 Jennifer Hochuli of the New York Daily Post proclaims, "I haven't seen a disappearing act this good since I saw Criss Angel in Las Vegas.  And somebody's definitely mind-freaking the Vikings coaching staff, especially offensive coordinator Bill Musgrave."

Number 3 - Miami Dolphins (0-3) 510 (1) Hugh Nevins of the Indianapolis Reaction asserts, "If Dolphins head coach Tony Sparano doesn't figure out soon what is wrong with his team, he'll soon be experiencing the Tony Soprano sensation where his season gets cut off mid"

Number 2 - St. Louis Rams (0-3) 583 (3) Lisa Trombetti of the Chicago Moon Times points out, "Things have gotten so bad for the once proud NFL state, that today, Sen. Claire McCaskill (D) introduced a piece of legislation officially requesting the state officially be renamed 'Misery.'"

Number 1 - Kansas City Chiefs (0-3) 645 (61) Rob Stone of the Kansas City Constitution writes, "When can a defending NFL division champ have a moral victory?  When you are this year's version of the Kansas City Chiefs."

D.P. Archives:
9/27/11 "@JoeyCora, you're fired! #pinkslip"
9/26/11 Gopher Engineering Students To Fix Things Again

Posted on: October 13, 2009 7:58 pm
Edited on: October 14, 2009 5:44 pm
 

10 (plus 3) Things I Learned the Week of Oct.12th

With Halloween fast approaching, this week, I give you, my loyal fans, the treat of a baker's dozen of topics that enlightened me in the sports world this week.  Usually, I keep these to 10, so as not to get too verbose, but certain weeks (I had one last year around Thanksgiving), no matter how hard I try and combine up my points, 10 just isn't enough.  And looking ahead to next week's slate of games, it might very well happen again.  The remote will be smokin' this weekend.

1) Huskers shuck Mizzou- In a game played under a heavy downpour, Nebraska could have easily packed it in going into the fourth quarter down 12-0, but instead amped up the D and used two picks to help Zac Lee throw 3 touchdown passes in the fourth quarter en route to ringing up 27 unanswered (missed a 2 pt. conversion) and a huge 27-12 victory over Big 12 north rivals Missouri.  Now the game later this year against Kansas looms big time and could determine who goes into Cowboys stadium on Dec. 5th.

2) Badgers/Tigers not yet ready for primetime- No, I'm not talking about the good ol' days of SNL, I'm talking about the current season of Saturday college football.  Two teams that were struggling for early respect despite being undefeated went down on Saturday afternoon.  I knew that Auburn's defense was inconsitent at best and Arkansas could score, but the fact that Auburn's offense took until the second half to show up, and by then it was already far too late, was a huge surprise.  As for Wisconsin, if you look at the pure stats, you'd think that they won the game, but they did just enough not only to keep tOSU in it, but win it convincingly.  You'd think there was no way since tOSU's offense had less than 200 yards, but there was all kinds of hidden return yardage for both the tOSU defense and special teams.  In fact, they accounted for three touchdowns for the Buckeyes.  Further proof that stats can lie.  The showdown in the Horseshoe on Nov. 14th looks huge now, and will likely decide who plays in Pasadena (no, not on the 7th).

3) Where's Johnathan Crompton and what have you done with him?- Look, I've already been on UGA's offense this year, looking basically lost losing Stafford and Moreno from last year, but I thought it was an absolute physical IMPOSSIBILITY for ANYBODY to make Johnathan Crompton look like the second coming of Peyton Manning.  Afterall, I forget if it was going into this game or the Auburn game last week, but here was a QB who's coach had ZERO faith in him as reflected by the offensive play calling, and had thrown 8 TD's and NINE PICKS on the season.  If I was Mark Richt, who I love as a coach, I'd want to hide after that defensive showing.  I do love ANYTHING that humiliates the Bulldog program, though, even if it is seeing Lane get his first SEC win.  Wonder if he was up all night Saturday singing "Rocky Top?"

4) Some "Snead" remarks about Jevan- Ugh!  So much for all that talk about Heisman darkhorse and number 1 overall draft pick.  This kid looks absolutely lost this season.  And his frustration is showing more and more every game.  Now, as much as I'd like to hang it all around his neck, okay, so not really, but a lot of the media and Ole Miss fans do, it's simply not ALL his fault.  First off, he needs some people around him to start to step up and make some plays.  But most of all, AT LEAST half of his problems I hang firmly around the necks of his offensive linemen.  Todd McShay ran a good piece on ESPN's College Gameday showing two clips from the South Carolina game.  On the first clip, South Carolina rushed TWO, count 'em, TWO people on the play, and Snead was still sacked.  That's unforgivable.  And so what does Houston Nutt do in response to this?  Well, since we can't block two with five, we'll keep BOTH running backs in for extra protection.  The result of this play?  South Carolina rushes three people against the seven, and while Snead had plenty of time, he has THREE receivers going up against EIGHT men in coverage!  Do you think anybody was open?  Nope, didn't think so.  So say what you will about the kid buying into his own hype, whatever, but there are some serious issues with one of the media darlings who was supposed to contend with Alabama for the SEC West this year.

5) Hold that Tiger- Really.  Did the experts not see this one coming?  Well, seeing as how Darst was the only one on this website to pick the Gators, and Kirk Herbstreit was the only one on Gameday to call it (more on this in a bit), even getting ribbed by Corso, obviously not.  Everybody was so wrapped up in the Tebow/No Tebow/Will he play/Won't he play (more on this next point) what effect will it have on the Gators that they somehow forgot that the Gators sported going into the game, the NUMBER 1 DEFENSE in the nation and the NUMBER 1 running game in the nation.  These remain whether Tebow or Brantley is under center.  Overall, a brilliant game plan by Urban Meyer to get a tough SEC road victory.  Florida was ABSOLUTELY DOMINANT of both sides of the line of scrimmage.  It's one thing to let your opponent know you're going to run dive plays 80% of the time early on.  To still do it and do it effectively against a team with the athletes on defense that the LSU Tigers possess is another.  And kudos to Herbstreit, for not only pointing out that Tebow will play (according to Herbstreit, he thought Tebow would play great.  I thought he played well, and as good as could be expected due to the concussion), but calling out the Gator defense, specifically Carlos Dunlap and Brandon Spikes and predicting they would play great and carry the Gators to the win.  While Dunlap played well, Spikes was a man amongst boys, and word came out that Herbstreit's comments made their way to the Tim Tebow of the Gators D, and he used it as motivation.  In fact, Meyer came out today and said if anybody else in the media wants to make similar comments about Tebow or Riley Cooper, to be his guest.  And to all the people (in particular Pac-10 fans who have absolutely no grounds to stand on whatsoever) who were calling this a boring game and the SEC overrated, this was good clean defensive, ram the ball down your throat and you can't stop us football.  And, it was the perfect gameplan for the situation.  If you don't believe that, just ask the previous 32 Saturday night opponents of LSU in death valley and ask them what their result was.  Offense is sexy, sells tickets, and can win you games, but defense wins championships.  PERIOD.  PERIOD.  PERIOD.  If you don't believe it, look up who's won the last three BCS National Titles and will likely be favored to do so a fourth time. 

6) I'm not a neuropathologist, but I'll darn sure play one in the newspaper/internet- Can the media stop already with the ridiculous pre-guessing and second guessing involved with Tebow playing the LSU game?  I'm sorry, Greg Doyle and William Rhoden, but I'll darn sure take the UF medical staff's opinion over yours any day.  I guess your journalism degrees somehow came with a minor in sports medicine.  I mentioned after the Kentucky game that it wasn't going to be Urban Meyer or Tim Tebow who decided on whether Tebow would be able to play, it would be the doctors.  None of the ridiculous speculation by these Web MD's changed that.  And honestly, with the D and running game, I believe that UF wins the game with John Brantley, so why risk it if he's not 100%.  I think the fact Tebow was on the field meant that he was (although obviously the playbook was scaled back a bit.  Sure didn't seem to shy away from contact, though, did he?).  Oh, and guess what?  Tate Forcier of Michigan has a concussion and has already been stated he will start if cleared.  Where's the outcry against Rich Rodriguez and Forcier should not play articles?

7) Horns Hooked in AP- Had to calm down a bunch of Longhorn fans this week who got their panties in a bunch because Alabama overtook them at number 2 in the AP poll.  First off, in the two human polls that are used in the BCS formula, Texas is still number 2.  Secondly, should the big three keep winning out, there's this little game in Atlanta on Dec. 5th that either Alabama or Florida will have to lose, so even at number three, keep taking care of your own business, and everything will work itself out.  Honestly, I'm not impressed by the fact that Texas seemingly has to throw the switch in the second half every week.  And if you don't think Florida and Alabama are the two best teams right now, we'll show you on Dec. 5th and again on Jan. 7th, IMHO (of course, one of them can lose before then, and I'll look pretty stupid.  I'll take my chances right now, though).  However, worrying about these things on Oct. 11th when any/all (we already know at least one will have to) of them can still lose is pointless.

8) DolphinMania runs wild(cat) on the Jets- Wow, what a game last night.  Another classic MNF in the rivalry between these two teams.  Honestly, I was a bit surprised that with defenses on both teams I would consider to be in the top half of the NFL, that neither team seemed to really be able to stop the other.  In the end, though, Jon Gruden and Ron Jaworski seemed to be the only ones outside the Dolphins offense who realized that on 3rd and goal from the three, with ten seconds left AND A TIMEOUT, that Miami just might run the ball.  As they both astutely pointed out, you get stopped, you call the TO and go for it on fourth down.

9) The best and worst of the NFL so far- Can you believe that the two best teams in the NFL right now might have met in week one, with one taking a miracle play to beat the other in the Denver Broncos and Cincinnati Bengals?  Honestly, you look at all the undefeated teams, and nobody's played anybody except for these two, and they are still winning (yes, obviously the Bengals have the one loss).  On the flip side, I believe the Rams are the worst team, but if I had to pick a team to go winless this season, the team with the best chance based on their schedules is my Bucs.  And somebody PLEASE explain to me how a team has a QB go 2 for 17 passing and still wins the game?  And why is JaMarcus Russell still a starting QB in this league?  Just how many wasted first rounders are the Raiders going to have (that DHB pick looks awesome right now)?  Couldn't happen to a more hapless, senile owner.

10) Some NHL thoughts- Well, the Lightning pulled off the 4 point minimum I wanted last week (although not the way I expected) going 1-0-2, then picked up a huge win against the Panthers last night.  Right now, they are currently in first place in their division and have more points than the Redwings.  The Bolts D is playing better as of late.  The fact that this team still remains unable to score in shootouts, however, is bothersome at best.  The defending champion Penguins are off to a hot start amassing 10 points already.

11) A special look ahead to Thursday night's NCAA game- I usually don't take a whole point for a look ahead, but this week's Thursday night game is huge for the Big East.  Regardless of who wins, they need these two teams to put on a great show to bring some respect and interest back to the league, and I believe they'll do it.  It was mentioned during a recent Big East broadcast I was watching that the league needs Pitt to win to carry this league, but I just don't argee with it.  I think both Cincinnati and USF are perfectly capable of performing this function, and I think the winner of this game is likely to play in Miami on January 5th.  Of course, Pitt being undefeated in the conference is still not out of conversation, but I also think West Virginia, Louisville, and Rutgers when they play well, can all help this league.

12) Weekly look ahead- Wow, let's see.  In college, give me the aforementioned Bearcat Bulls game, the Red River shootout to see if OU's vastly improved D can carry their struggling (by their standards) O, Arkansas Florida to create a second common opponent for UF and Alabama to compare them better (I think UF had a better showing at Kentucky than Alabama did which somehow gets overlooked), Alabama South Carolina to see where these two teams really stack up, USC Notre Dame to see just how Doyle's number one QB in the land does against a real defense (a lot of people are picking the Irish in this game, which would be a huge blow to both the Pac-10 and my keep ND out of the BCS hopes), Nebraska Texas Tech to see if the black shirts can slow down the suddenly revamped and rerevved Red Raiders offense, and Virginia Tech Georgia Tech in what should be one of the better ACC matchups of the year.  If the Hokies dominate, look for them to enter the title picture if one of the big 3 slips up.  Like I said, the remote will be smoking.  For the pros, give me Carolina Tampa Bay sorry, I'll actually be in attendance for that debacle (although it could be worse, I could have tickets to KC Washington), the Giants Saints to see which nts team stays unbeaten, Vikings Ravens to see if Baltimore can recover from two straight tough losses, Bears Falcons to see which one of these teams is likely for real and wild card material, and finally Broncos Chargers to see if Denver can keep it going with a tough road game.  Good slate for the paid athletes as well.

13) MLB LDS look back and LCS predicitions- Well, I got three out of four right, although I had all of them going longer than what they did.  I knew Boston had some holes, but didn't expect them to get exposed that thoroughly by LA, especially since I thought playing in the AL East would toughen them up.  TBS lost a lot of money by all of the series ending so quick.  But that can happen in short series.  I know last year, Philly beat LA in the LCS, but I just think the Dodgers have too much for them this year.  Don't see it going less than 6, however (in fact, I'll call it Dodgers in 6), and as much as I hate to, I'll go Yankees in 5 setting up the LAD NYY series you know baseball is praying for for not only the east coast west coast thing, but also the Torre back to New York thing and Manny against the Yankees.
 
 
 
 
The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or CBSSports.com